


if i was better

by ppeter_parkour



Category: Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: Depressed Peter Parker, Helpful Tony Stark, Peter Needs a Hug, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Sad Peter Parker, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-30
Updated: 2019-09-30
Packaged: 2020-11-07 22:06:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 957
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20824565
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ppeter_parkour/pseuds/ppeter_parkour
Summary: He wants to leaveHe wishes he could go back before his life started to go to shit. When he was that happy carefree kid in his stupid onesie fighting crime after school to try and make the world a better place.Now it feels like his mind is plagued with memories of death and destruction and he doesn’t want to deal with it anymore he wants it all to stop he just wants it to stop please stop.





	if i was better

The blade fumbles out of his hand. Clatters to the floor. 

He can’t breathe through the sobbing, it's too much. 

Blood drips down his arms, pools through his sweatpants. 

It’s slippery and warm. Kind of uncomfortable. 

He’s glad he’s home alone, he would have alerted may a long time ago. The tears obscure his vision, the blood getting mixed with water. 

He can’t he can’t he can’t he can’t he ca-

If he calls someone he’ll get help. 

They won't listen they’ll think he’s a freak they’ll call him stupid selfish insane- 

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Don't 

No no no no no no 

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They don’t know what they’re talking about. 

The kids at school are just jealous they-

What do they have to be jealous about 

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Forget it 

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He wants to leave 

He wishes he could go back before his life started to go to shit. When he was that happy carefree kid in his stupid onesie fighting crime after school to try and make the world a better place. 

Now it feels like his mind is plagued with memories of death and destruction and he doesn’t want to deal with it anymore he wants it all to stop he just wants it to stop please stop. 

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

“You’re gonna go somewhere, kid,” he remembers Tony said with a laugh. 

“Whaddya mean, Mr. Stark?”

Tony looks at his kid fondly, he can practically see how content and happy the kid is. 

“Mr. Stark I finished your prototype.”

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“I can’t do it, Mr. Stark, please just let me leave.” 

“Hey, hey kid it’s alright,” Tony’s panicking, he doesn’t know what to do, has never had to deal with this before, he thought his kid was alright. 

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

He’d been sitting in his workshop talking with happy when he’d gotten the alert. 

“Boss Karen says Peter’s in high distress, and-”

“Where is he?”

“He’s been on top of Amherst Tower for the past three hours, sir.” 

He’d left immediately, leaving the conversation with happy, not that the man blamed him. 

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Peter’s slowly backing towards the edge, the wind blowing through his clothes, seemingly pushing him closer and closer to the breaking point. He’s sobbing hysterically, not listening to a word of comfort Tony’s trying to give. 

“Peter please, just listen to me, buddy, -”

“No no no no I’m sorry I’m so sorry please.“

“It’s okay, Peter, please, listen to me-“

“No! No I can’t, leave me alone just let me do this, please, I have to I just want to leave!”

Tonys crying now too, there’s no way he couldn’t be. Seeing his kid, his son, in such distress and pain just makes him want to fix everything, make everything okay again, he just wants Peter to be okay. Help him back to the happy teenager he used to be.

It was only a couple months ago, but aliens happened and battles were fought and peter knows that everybody faced the same things he did and he should just suck it up and stop being such a fucking child. 

Deal with it. He just has to deal with it. It’s not a big deal the avengers deal with it all the time and they don’t react like such a useless piece of shit. 

He was just so tired, he wants someone to hold him and make everything go away, heal his wounds and make him happy again. 

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

“Dude, Spiderman is so cool, like I know I’ve said this a lot now, but he’s honestly amazing,” Ned says one day as they’re walking to lunch. 

Peter sighs and looks to the side, “Yeah, ned, I know.” 

“Do you think you could show me the suit again? Like, let me see all the cool gadgets and stuff?” 

“Sure. Hey, could we, maybe, hang out sometime this week? I just got this new lego set that I think-” 

“Can we go to the avengers compound? That place is really cool. Do you think I’ll be able to meet the avengers again?“

“I don’t know, ned”

They sit down next to MJ, who Ned immediately starts rambling to, even though she was obviously engrossed in a book. She talks to him anyway. Both forgetting about peter.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

I'm working late again, probably won't be home until you’re asleep. There're leftovers in the fridge. xxx 

Peter gets home and walks past the kitchen, directly into his room to grab his blades. 

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

“If I was better you’d like me. You wouldn’t want to ignore me all the time. I promise ill be better, I promise,” Peter begged with tears streaming down his face. 

“You don’t need to be better, Peter, you’re already the best there can be. Its okay, hey hey, it’s alright” Tony whispered. 

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

The next couple of months are spent trying to get better. 

Peter thinks its bullshit, and they wouldn't have to waste this time on him if he had just finished his fucking job and killed himself like he was supposed to do. 

They reassure him over and over its not his fault and they want to help him. 

He still can’t find it in himself to believe them. 

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Four months later MJ and Ned are sitting with Peter, Tony, Pepper, and Morgan in their cabin. 

Peters on the floor laughing after Ned, MJ, Morgan and him pranked Tony. 

They’re all in the moment, laughing and having fun. 

Tony looks at Peter, sees the pure happiness in his eyes that he hadn’t seen in a long time, and briefly remembers the night he’d found peter sobbing on the floor of his bathroom, dripping blood with pills in his system. 

He’s come so far, and Tony will be forever grateful he hadn’t gotten there too late.


End file.
